Just a random thought
It was a particular Saturday, a couple of years back, when I realised a very important facet of life...
It was supposed to be a much awaited weekend with both of us sure of having an 'off' together and with the elder one off to her grandparents at Mumbai, we were determined to make the most of this free time! (younger one bwing in the non crawling phase, back then) We did have a few options, one.. being out shopping to our hearts content at the mall or may be the weekend off at Ooty.
There was a third option Also, that both of us were secretly hoping for — staying in for another binge hearing session of 'Yaad sheher' — but may be.. we were afraid of voicing it. An unspoken fear stopped us both; the fear of coming across as what is probably the worst thing to be in a long-term, married relationship: BORING.
Old couples sat at home and did supposedly uninteresting things like watching re-runs and listening to old songs and not young parents and work-through-the-week 32-year-olds like us!
But maybe there is a case to be made for boredom. In a world that constantly and consistently prioritises the new and shuns the old and snarks upon the repeated, maybe there is some wisdom in growing 'bored' together.
Most relationship advice articles will tell you that boredom is the death knell of a relationship... the silent cancer of the world of romance. That is probably true too.. And boredom has infact... a significant role to play in our relationships.
I realised this that fateful Saturday. Jeevs and I finally resorted to the usual imaginary 'work' pressure and went to a 'have-to' attend party where we were stuck in a crowd of overzealous, enthusiastic fauji counterparts. Keeping up with the traditions, every fauji party happens to a be a customary, socializing, formal event with drinks n yummy snacks on the house... The very obvious, smiling good evening Ma'am /Sirs, some forced entertainment thrown as a part of the itenary.. Ending with the dance floor being opened where folks hound the floor like teenagers deprived of their daily dose of 'social media'... so did we and I simply could never have a conversation with him throughout the party.. Minus the occasional glances exchanged over the chivalrous, "should I refill ur drink?" - all this, after a tiring week at work.. thanks to the press of humans around us. Clearly, the people dancing around us were overjoyed to be there, but we discovered our bliss 12 hours later. Sunday morning became the date for our 'Yaad sheher-with Neelesh Mishra' marathon over glasses of scotch and wine flowing incessently. We didn’t have the borrowed excitement of party animals around us, but we had an enviable level of comfort- the situational songs reliving a long forgotten memory associated with the years gone by. In that moment, boredom was bliss.
It’s not something that seems evident at first, because who wants to deal with being bored? I have access to the World Wide Web and anything I want to read about through my OnePlus, everyone I know wants to update me with the details of their lives through Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat and Twitter and I have my scheduled sorted out witg plans to go for a friends daughters birthday party, a get together of sorts at a Seniors abode, and a shopping spree with friends next weekend.
With so much happening, why would I seek out boredom? The answer lies in that sinking feeling you get when an agreed-upon plan inches closer and you’re forced to honour that commitment u made when you were on that whats app chat . The plans to go for a movie, dancing the night out at a 'Disc', or just maro hookah, begin to feel forced and constrictive.
Because, none of this is actually fun beyond a point. It’s exhausting to even think of trying to keep up #withthetrend and #thebestdayever and be 'liked' all the time.
Sometimes, excitement needs to step aside for comfort. It’s impossible to live your life bouncing from one thrilling experience to the other, so you need someone who makes those boring periods in between even more fun. And if doing the same things over and over equals boredom, then boredom must also equal comfort.
In contrast, boredom is minus pressure and organic. The decision to be bored with someone is what gives me the time to leave handwritten sweet nothings on colorful post it's, to my equal(if not better) half on the refrigerator . When Jeevs is bored, he makes us both delicious Maggi with dollops of butter and even cleans up the house! I’ve lived off the fruits of boredom ever since we got married without even realising it. Being bored can spur creative ways to connect between couples.
Too often, especially in this age of social media, we judge relationships not by how compatible two people are, but by how many Insta-worthy moments they’ve had. So conditioned we have become to accept spontaneity as a sign of true love, that it leaves no room for the little things that actually mean a lot.
When you live with your partner it becomes even more important. Yes, we look forward to weekend trips and going out for drinks together, but there’s also enjoyment in doing nothing at all: Coming home from our jobs, ordering pizza and watching a movie together wordlessly...provided the kids allow!
We don’t even realise it, but most of the time our relationships end in a moment of silence: The empty sound of a couple tapping away at their phones because they’ve got nothing to talk about or maybe the disturbing silence in a parked car after a huge argument when neither party knows what to say to comfort the other.
And then there is a different kind of silence, one that doesn’t need to be broken with an awkward conversation-starter, a petty story, or a half-hearted suggestion to go out somewhere. You know the person you’re sharing this silence with is happy with you... and you with them.. and you both don’t need an external stimulus to keep you invested in your relationship. That’s a moment of bliss... and it can only be found by couples who allow themselves to be bored... together.
